The Love Doctor

By Michelle Herrera Mulligan -- Críticas, 11/1/2004

Best-selling self-help author Dr. Walter Riso doesn't necessarily believe in eternal love. In fact, he would probably reject Cinderella, Snow White, and all the fantasies that keep young girls dreaming of Prince Charming and young men searching for the perfect bride. For Riso's patients, love is torture as often as it is bliss. "People don't always have a realistic view of love," says Riso. "They become addicted to the passion they feel when they first come together, but don't learn how to develop the friendship and compassion that makes a relationship last. When that passion starts to die out, many feel that they've failed somehow." He's out to cure the misconceptions of the Latin lover in all of us. In his latest books, Ama y no sufras (Love and Don't Suffer) and Pensar bien, sentirse bien (Think Well, Feel Well), he coaches readers on how to create healthy relationships and build self-esteem.

The Bogotá-based psychologist uses simple language to discuss the perils of addiction to love and negative thinking. Since he published his first novel, Aprendiendo a quererse a sí mismo (Learning to Love Yourself), in 1996, Riso's provocative titles have translated into tremendous sales throughout Latin America. He has sold more than a million copies of his books in the region. Ama y no sufras, released last year, has already sold 10,000 copies in Spain and 3,000 in the United States.

"Our communities often value family, interpersonal relationships, and emotions above all else," says Riso. "We, like many others around the world, can be impulsive in our attachments to others, without considering the long term." As self-help books have catapulted up the charts in Latin America, Riso's books couldn't be better positioned for success. Eye-catching titles like ¿Amar o depender? (To Love or to Depend On?) and La fidelidad es mucho más que amor (Fidelity Is Much More Than Love) leap out at young female readers, while titles such as Cuestión de dignidad (A Question of Dignity), Intimidades masculinas (Masculine Intimacies), and Sabiduría emocional (Emotional Wisdom) have drawn male and older readers.

"In Latin America, there's been an important shift toward taking responsibility for one's actions, health, and happiness," says Riso, who combines elements of philosophy and anthropology into his approach. He implores his readers and patients to take responsibility for staying faithful to the promise of fidelity in relationships, an issue he says all humans naturally struggle with. He calls humans "unfaithful by nature, but monogamous by vocation."

Riso, who has been married for six years, admits, "If a girl walks by in a short skirt, I'm probably going to look, just as if a married woman were left alone with Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise, she might be tempted not to honor her vows." This is not justification, he says, for breaking the bond of commitment. "If you value monogamy and have made a pact with your partner to remain faithful, breaking that pact is a betrayal."

The psychologist often implores his patients and readers to understand that caring for oneself is of equal importance as creating a healthy relationship. Riso calls staying in a relationship that doesn't work simply for the comfort it provides a "type of betrayal to oneself." And in his latest book Pensar bien, sentirse bien (see review on p.39 in the print issue), he presents a sort of Buddhism–meets–cognitive therapy formula for healthy thinking.

Riso's own experiences seem to have inspired his work as much as his patients have. Born in Naples, Italy, in 1951, he emigrated to Argentina when he was a child, where he began his career studying engineering at the Universidad Nacional de San Luis. "But soon, I found myself more interested in the software of the human mind than the hardware of a machine." As a young man in college, he experimented with the hippie lifestyle, a time he thinks of often and tries to reconcile with his current life. "We were less individualistic and tried to exercise an ethic less indifferent than today's." After finishing his studies at the Universidad de San Buenaventura in Medellín, Colombia, and forming a Center for Research and Behavioral Therapy there, he got a lesson in romance when he divorced his first wife. "Back then I didn't know the difference between passion and true love," he says.

While in Colombia, Riso began publishing articles in psychological journals, newspapers, and magazines, sharing his personal and professional lessons with a larger audience. Then, one of Riso's patients compiled all the essays he'd written and sparked the idea that Riso could become a published author. "My idea," recalls Riso, "was to translate these psychological concepts into simple language so I could help prevent psychological illness for everyday people."

Since then, Riso has been in a virtual whirlwind of writing and promotion. His presentations draw huge crowds in many countries and readers often linger for an opportunity to meet the charismatic yet shy doctor, who would prefer to remain anonymous than sign autographs.

His next two projects will focus on women who "adopt" their partners as children and essentially become their nurses. No matter what subject matter he takes on in the future, Riso believes his books will appeal to audiences in international markets. He has proposals out for translations in Dutch, Italian, Portuguese, and English, since he directs his books to the culture of human experience. "A German woman will have the same reaction as a Puerto Rican woman when she's rejected in love," says Riso. "People succumb to 'love addiction' around the world."